Changes at work have left me wondering what I want in a career. I often find myself desiring leadership positions but mostly for the purpose of building an enterprise. It's less about people and more about the organization. Not that I dislike people but it's not really about them. Apparently that is not the attitude of a good leader.
I also have a dream of running my own business. Again, it's about building an organization up and more importantly an organization that I own.
In either case I have no specifics - no specific leadership position such as CEO in mind, nor any specific business that I want to create.
It's hard to guide your career when you don't have an ultimate end in mind. Next steps are unclear, leaving me in a reactive position rather than proactive. It might help to ask why I want to build something, as much as what. But I don't have a good answer to that question. And, truth be told, if I had all of the money I could possibly need to live, I would not spend my time running a business, my own or otherwise.
What would I do? I would write, for one thing. But I often find it difficult to motivate myself to write when I have the free time to do so. Instead I find myself doing things like watch movies, play video games, or smoke cigars. Leisure time means a great deal to me - perhaps too much. It's hard to be a hedonist and have any kind of career.
I also find it difficult to engage in any activity that doesn't have a predictable outcome. At work I can show up and do my job, with the predictable outcome of a paycheck. I can't do that with writing. There's no guarantee that anyone will even read it, much less pay to do so. I lose sight of the fact that I would do it just because, because I feel like I should sell my writing when it's done.
Isn't that strange? Why is that happening?
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